The Little Things

madiunicorncoon

The sweetest thing in the world to me, is to see that excited look on a child’s face when they receive something after they have given up hope.

A few days ago, my seven year old and I treated ourselves to breakfast at a restaurant that has a store attached. This would be the same store that her dad and I purchased her favorite stuffy, Magic the Unicorn, as a Christmas gift. A stuffy that she sleeps with, eats with, even takes to the restroom when she is bathing. The first thing she says while tucking her in at night is, “where is my Unicorn?” Most of the time it is lying right beside her, but she has grown so accustomed to asking for it, that she now does it out of habit.

While waiting to be seated, my daughter looks over and sees a unicorn identical to hers. There was a tad bit of excitement. And Then……There it was. The Raccoon. The sister to her Unicorn, as she had stated, while lighting up like a beaming strobe light. “Oh mom, I need that, Can I get it?”   With her being little and not fully understanding our situation, she always wants every little thing that she sees.  I am a housewife, therefore my husband is the sole bread winner, which leaves me having to say “No honey, you do not need that”  Or, “Maybe later” more times than not. I could tell by the way she was talking about it, that it completely overwhelmed her to see it. I told her that was something that she needed to expect for a special occasion. Which oddly enough, she accepted, but not without that heart broken expression.

When we finished our meal, I went to stand in the line to pay for the bill. My little one went straight for the toys section. As I was standing there in line, something was telling me to get that Raccoon. My heart was just really pressuring me to grab it up and lay it on the counter. “get it,  get it , get it.” I kept hearing those words over and over in my head. I rarely go and eat out without my husband being present, and I know if he had of been standing there with me, he would have just gotten the dang stuffy. Without another thought, I grabbed it up, set it on the counter, and asked the cashier if she would place it in a bag, before my daughter could see it. The excitement of keeping it a surprise, had me shoving that bag in my purse before even swiping my card.  As we approached the car, I unlocked my door only, so that I would have time to place the bag in the back seat before she could get inside. She never did notice the bag sitting in the seat right next to her. I was having a hard time holding my excitement in, but wanted her to find it herself. After about ten more minutes of driving to our next destination, she finally said, “I have to blow my nose.” Which I seen as the perfect opportunity. ” Madison, I believe there is a paper bag beside you that you can use to throw away your used tissue.” She grabbed it and said, ” Nah, I think there is something in it.” She opened the bag and looked in. I had already fixed my rear view mirror to where I could see her face. When her head popped back up and our eyes met in that rear view mirror, I could not hold back the tears. This little girl looked up at me with a facial expression that will forever be embedded into my mind. Eye brows raised, and a smile from ear to ear. She was so very happy, and equally thankful. For a few seconds she was in disbelief and  I could tell right away that I had done good. She thanked me over and over again, and told me it was awesome, and I was awesome.  What mom does not want to hear those words?  She said”I just can not believe it mom, You tricked me real good. I love it so much. I can not wait to show daddy.”

I know some will not find this story heart touching in the least. And I suppose those are the ones that are able to give their kids every little thing that they want. Part of me wishes that I could be one of those parents that showers their little ones with tons of expensive gifts. But the other part of me, loves being able to see the appreciation my little girl has over a $13 stuffed animal. I would not witness that appreciation and excitement over something so small, if she were spoiled. Now I am not knocking the ones who are able to spoil their children. I am merely stating that the feeling one gets when their child is excited over something simple, is like nothing else. I literally had tears rolling down my face when I met her eyes and she seen that Raccoon. I knew it was going to be an exciting moment for her, because out of all of her Christmas gifts that she received last year, her Unicorn was her favorite.  It is The Little Things, that make this life so great.

# I would just like to say “Thank You” to my husband for his efforts. He works every single day, and sometimes long hours, so that he may not only provide our needs, but some of our wants as well. This moment that I am able to share, was completely because of him. I was able to be home with my sick daughter, without stressing about a job, and was able to take her out for breakfast, AND get her a treat.. It was a heart warming day for me, and my hard working partner deserves all of the credit. I love you.

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Mothers Absence

Placed in a womb that is un-nurturing.
Innocent soul trapped in its doom.
Straight into the arms of emptiness.
For Love there is no room.

Hints of compassion,
quickly fading away.
Longing for words,
necessary to say.

Stripped down to nothing
No spirit to bare
It was stolen away ,
along with an ability to care.

Nothing to miss.
No reminiscing to be had.
All hope is lost.
I will forever be this sad.

A bond never growing,
Yet a broken heart remains
Longing for the key,
That will take away these chains.

Jme ’15

The Importance of being a Housewife/Mother

I know this may get some peoples gears rusted, but it is just how I feel. I do not expect everyone to understand or agree with my blogs. They are mostly opinionated, and they state that in the category.

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I have been a House Wife, and Stay at Home Mother for more years than not. There are more reasons behind it than just wanting to be at home. I am sure there are plenty of mothers that Want to be at home but can not afford it. I am not saying that I can afford it, because it has been a struggle each and every paycheck. There have been days that I hate myself for not trying harder to bring money into the home. Those days being birthdays, and Christmas, the times we could take a vacation, but no money. The struggle is real, but somehow we always manage. I have a precious husband who loves and understands my way of thinking, and sympathizes with why I feel the way that I do. If not for him, it would be much more stressful than not.

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The way I see it, if something means so much to you, then it is probably destined for you to have whatever it is that you are wanting. A lot of the times, especially material wise, the things you want so badly, do nothing to change your life, therefore I attempt to not hold on to those types of wants. Of course I love a good pair of shoes or a nice handbag, but I also know that I do not need it to survive. I do however need my family happy, and I need the time with them that makes that a possibility. That to me is the most important thing, making my family happy. I believe with all of my heart that I was put here to give birth to my four little people, and help them venture out into this world, and stand beside the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. I applaud the working mothers who can work from 8 to 5, come home and do dinner, eat, clean up, have time to do stress free homework, make sure everyone bathes and brushed their teeth, sets out school cloths and snacks, throw a few loads of cloths in the washer/dryer, iron the next days attire, try your hardest to squeeze in time for your husband and children before lying down and doing the exact same thing over again the next day.

I whole heartily feel that I need to be home where I can live a normal paced life. I can make sure my house is tidy, everyone has clean cloths, shop for my families household supplies, groceries, and clothing items, tend to our family pets, take my children to their dental and doctor appointments, go to school functions without asking for time off,be home when they are sick without the stress of missing work, and making the boss angry, or having to depend on family members to get my job done.

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I tried the 8 to 5 job for the first time this past year since my youngest had started school. I had no reason not to get out of the house. All of the kids were in school all day, so why not?  Within the first month I had missed work due to one of the kids being sick. There were days I was being called to come get them, ( mostly the youngest, because she has my immune system) or just having to miss a whole day of work, sometimes more, and then I myself would contract whatever the child at the time had, so then I was sick. No one wants to volunteer their time to keep a sick child with a fever, and take the chance in getting sick as well. I had to stay home when my kids were sick. I had to stay home when I was sick. Then there were the doctors appointments, check ups, dental appointments. My niece was fighting cancer during this time so there was a day I missed for her surgery. My sister lost someone in her life, so there was a day I missed to be with my niece so my sister could visit them before they left this earth. My dads wife had brain surgery and I took them to the hospital, twice. I then got terribly sick with a stomach issue and that was when I lost my job after fourteen months,  due to so many absences. There is rarely a month that goes by that I am not terribly sick with stomach, bowel, intestine issues anyway. It just makes sense (to me) to be home so that my family does not have anything at all to worry about. I do whatever I can to make their lives easier. That is my job and duty as a mother and housewife. And in return, I am not always worried that a school nurse or receptionist is going to call me to come get the kids. I am not having to constantly pray that today I want get sick ( though I still do that). When someone needs me, I can  happily say, I will be right there. The kids have clean cloths, dinner is cooked, we have movie time, you can walk through the house and not feel gross, and I am not falling over tired all day long because I have not had a moments rest.

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As I said in the beginning, I applaud the mothers who have super powers and can do it all.

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When I was a very young girl, about age 12, my mother began working. She had to start out on second shift due to a seniority thing. When the first shift jobs came available, whoever had more seniority and wanted it, got it. I suppose she never wanted it. She was on second shift for as long as I can remember. She was never home. When she was home, she was always in a bad mood. I have learned that exhaustion will do that to a person. Point being, during some of the most important years of my life, she was not there. She was Always working. We never had play dates, we never had movie nights, we never just sat and talked, such as asking me how school was, did I have a crush, are there mean people hurting my feelings, etc.There were no family dinners. There was no one to help with homework. There was no guidance. So when I was younger, I told myself then that If it were at all possible, I would not work and leave my children wondering if a job was more important than my time with them. I would not feel tired all of the time, and shove them to the side. My mother taught me a valuable lesson. In a backwards way, she taught me that my children and my husband deserved my time, more than some strangers and a petty paycheck that we would spend on nonsense anyway…When you make more money, you only find more things to spend it on. More things to go in debt for. It is possible to live on a small budget, and give my family all of me, Not just the left overs.

Mental Thought : Live in your own shoes………

A Mothers Heart

As I sit here this morning with my three youngest children, I feel privileged, honored, blessed…..Any term of endearment that describes how fortunate I am to be called mom. To be honest, no words can describe that fluttery, full feeling in my heart.

So many woman take for granted the beauty that comes with being a mother. They look at their little people that they have created as a daily task. If one could simply look into the eyes of their children, they would see themselves. The good part of themselves. The innocent part. As a parent, we have the chance to give our children everything that we lacked as a child. Some think material objects are the thing that they lacked the most, some love, some both……

I was never given much as a child. Much of either. Being Material or physical/emotional love. I am not financially able to give my children every little thing that they want, but I will definitely do without my wants to make sure they have theirs. That was not the way of my parents when I was a child. Our needs were barely met, little on our wants. I seen their wants come way before I needs. I will never be considered a selfish mother. I love being able to see the excitement in my child’s face when they know they get to go shopping, a movie, amusement park, or even just for ice cream.

A child sees our time and money as care and concern. They see that if we are willing to spend our hard earned money on the things that they can definitely live without, then they see us caring about their happiness. When we show them that spending time with them is important to us then we are showing them their presence is valued.

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I can promise you one single thing without a doubt. If you ask my children if their mother loves them, they would look at you as though you were asking the dumbest question in the world. They know. And shouldn’t they? Shouldn’t they know just how important their lives are to me?

When we think we have said it enough, then we should say it one more time…..Just to be sure. I love you, should be the last thing your child(ren) hear every night. A mothers comforting, reassuring love is all a child’s soul needs to survive. A soft touch on the head. A tickle here and there. Kiss to the forehead. There are so  many small gestures that mean so much to those little hearts. Maybe not at that direct moment, but I do know once a child reaches adulthood, having lived without those small gestures, can be fatal. Fatal to the child’s spirit.

I have four of those little hearts that came from my womb. I carried them until their little bodies were able to breathe on their own. My heart turned to mush when they were first put in my arms. Each and every birth was as though I had never done it before. The emotions that came with each new life were unlike anything I have felt any other moment. The excitement and joy that came with the looking in their little eyes for the first time.

Now I am faced with the fear as to what kind of adult they are going to become. We can guide them, and love them more than anything imaginable, but they still carry the ultimate choice…….What will they do with their lives?

I see so many children grow into adults with addiction, or become murderers, rapists, child pedophiles. Those people were once a mothers baby, that grew into a child, and then become the adult that they are. It grieves me to think there is a chance that one or even all four of my children could hurt my heart with the demise of their lives in such a terrible way. Meaningless existence. Giving nothing back.

Those things are the reason why it is of utter most importance to teach our children the power of love. Share it with others no matter how many times it is refused. No matter how many times we are hurt, we should still give our love, even to those that are not worthy. Give it ,if only for a chance, that the chain of hate with be broken.

There is not one thing my little ones can do for me to love them less. How can you love someone less when that someone is simply part of your heart? I just pray that God gives me strength when they venture into adulthood, to handle the disappointment they may bring upon my heart. The fear is great, only because of the pain that they will bestow upon themselves. A mother does not want to witness pain and agony brought upon their children no matter where it generates from, but at least if someone hurts our children, we have someone to blame. If it is by their own hand, then we shall surely blame ourselves. We had to of done something so wrong, for our children to choose a path that was not intended. Right?

I say, Wrong……….

This world has a way of corrupting even the most well taught children. God gave us ALL free will. When that free will is turned into an evil pleasure, not only the culprit becomes lost, but so do the ones standing in the path. That path could be high school, a party, college, anywhere that evil exists. We can teach our children the right way, but there will always be temptations brought on by others. We can never fully protect them.

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I have an overwhelmingly good feeling that my children will want to make me proud, and do everything not to disappoint. Because I do not filter the ways of the world. I tell them of all of the bad in the world. I share my experiences and outcomes, in hopes that they do not fall in the same pattern. If they are curious about something, and want to know, then I tell them. I am not a mother who shelters her children from the potential dangers of our world. I would rather scare them into not trying something, than them being curious of something they have never heard of.

I feel it is my job as a mother to do whatever I can to protect my little ones. Maybe I am too honest. Maybe I am too graphic. But I feel confident that showing my children what could happen when having unprotected sex out of wedlock, VIA the internet, will discourage them somewhat. I am hoping complete and total discouragement, I am hoping if/when they are put in that situation, they will remember the images of what could happen. I suppose that is something that I will never know for certain, since children do not generally share those things with their mothers. I also hope giving a somewhat detailed description of what a sick child pedophile would do if they ever got their hands on them, will teach them to keep their distance from strangers. If they are ever put in such a situation, they know to fight until their is no fight left. They know to scream and kick, and bite. They know if at all possible to come to me if able, and we will fix any situation, together.

I am a mother…..my children will be the most important people, and my greatest accomplishments…..I will always love them no matter what they do or do not do. My love for them, is unconditional.  I have A Mothers Heart…..

Mental Thought: If your child comes to you and asks you a question, then answer it. It is our job to teach them. Do not let a stranger do it.

P.S. Have fun with this life……….

being silly