Once Upon a Time there was this couple. They had a child. They divorced. The end…….Not really, but kind of.
When a divorce happens, which sadly it is more often than not, the proper thing to do between the parents would be to make sure there is no stress brought upon the child(ren) of that failed marriage. You know, things like, do not speak ill of the other parent in front of the child(ren). Make that child your number one priority in every little thing that you do. When making any decision in your life, be sure it benefits the child(dren). Never leave the child(ren) questioning your love and dedication for them. Give them your TIME.
I have always been a firm believer that as long as a parent spends quality time with a child, that the money (child support) can somewhat slide. Not that the support is not vital, but the time, is just most important, in my opinion. If a parent is struggling to make ends meet, and all they have left at the end of the week is their self, then that self is sufficient.
When a parent makes excuses week after week, and then finally no excuses, just silence, there is a time for some change. ((((( I do not have gas money ( even though I have offered to give the money), I do not have a place to stay, I do not have food ( even though I sent food), I have to go out of town, I am staying with so and so, and they have drugs here, I am staying with so and so and this is just not a good weekend, I do not have a vehicle ( even though I offer to bring her) ))))
When a child sets up night after night crying and trying to figure out why a parent does not love them enough to see them, it tends to harden the heart. Especially when I, as a mother, do not know the answers. I have to take myself back to my first rule. Do not speak ill of the other parents. I will tell you, those moments in my life, I had to fight back the urge to cuss, to scream, to just be blunt with the truth. But……..I did not. I made excuses just to salvage my child’s heart stings. Months without contact, then years without contact. It took a good year before my child finally stopped asking when was he going to see her and when she stopped saying daily, “I miss him”.
When my daughter turned 7, I finally told her there were two reasons why her father stopped coming around us when she was 4. The first reason was because he had a bad drug habit. This drug habit had messed with his mind and he was not the person he wanted to be. The second reason was because I had given him enough chances. I let her know that I told him that if he went six more months without any contact, to not even bother anymore…….After a little more than 3 years of no contact, I am assuming he listened.
I have never stood my ground to be mean. I have stood my ground hoping for a change. I stood my ground, hoping, that him and his family would prove me wrong. Show me that they DO in fact love her and they DO find her important and she IS worth their time. 3 years, and nothing. My little girl deserves more than a part time daddy. I am not all for “weekend daddys“. Men helped bring these children into this world, they should be there more, but if that is all the time they can give, then it is better than nothing. These children should have equal amount of time with each parent, and if not equal then as much as possible. So once a month, once every 6 months, NO……..Because that first 6 months, one of those months consisted of laying down night after night with tears in her eyes, ” did my daddy text me goodnight?” 4 years old and just simply wanting a text. Just some sort of contact that he was at least thinking of her. Nothing. ( For months at a time that is all she would get, a text saying Goodnight, sadly enough she was okay with that)
I know there are people in my life that do not accept, the way that I am being. People that I love dearly. They do not think it is the right way. That is okay. Agree to Disagree. I just hate for people to think that I do this type of thing out of hate.
I am sure some think that I should allow my daughter to see this family just whenever they want, or whenever they have time for her. What is that teaching her? How is that showing her the value of family?
My biggest problem was his bad habits. He gets clean, and wants something to do with her, and then months later when he is dirty, he stays away. We dealt with that for 2 whole years. That is just not fair.
When my daughter turned 5, one year after her father shut the door, she asked my husband if she could call him daddy. Of course he was honored. He has no children of his own. She wanted to have a daddy so badly, and he wanted to be called daddy, so it has worked out pretty awesome. I feel in my bones there will come a day when my little girl is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to hunt these people down that had no time for her when she was little, and leave her daddy ( my husband) feeling second. In his eyes, she can do no wrong, and she is his pride and joy……You know, the way it SHOULD be……Only time will tell. But for now, She will not have a part time daddy…She has a full time daddy,and I wish others would realize that he is the best thing that has ever happened to her. It should be seen as her being blessed to have someone there for her every single second of every single day.
Her life is good. She is never questioning if her daddy loves her. She is never wondering when her daddy is going to have time for her. Because he loves her every single day and he is with her every single day…
Mental Note: We should all learn to respect the fact that each person has their own reasons. Good or Bad, they are that persons reasons. I respect yours, please continue to respect mine.