A Daughters Story, Continued

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October was the month I was born. The year was 1976. When I look at those numbers, I feel so old. I remember once thinking I could not wait until I was an adult and could get away from this life style. From the time I could remember I was counting down the years until I could move out. I had to escape. Or at least get far enough away from all the crazy, to where it would not rub off on me.
I was a teenager when I started noticing that my mother did not love me the way it was intended. The first sign was when she started working second shift so that she did not have to be around the family. Truth be told it was such a relief off of my shoulders. There was not a day that went by that she was not ill. Just the most unhappy person that you can imagine. I do not doubt that it was tough living with an alcoholic that did not care to hurt your feelings each and every time he seen fit, or to spend a whole paycheck on beer and non sense, instead of buying groceries, and paying the electric.
I will share a story of a typical Friday night, or payday, which ever came first. My dad was a saddle maker, so payday was not always at the end of the week. Whenever he got the saddles done, he got paid. A payday always consist of heading to the line. We lived in a dry county at the time, so he had to drive to the state line to retrieve his case(s) of beer, and liquior. Next stop would be a friends house, or his brother(s). He had a nearly a dozen brothers and only one of them was not an alcoholic. I am not sure what some see as alcholics, but I see it as someone who pisses their money away for alcohol, or on the account of alcohol.
Okay, back to the typical Friday night. If we stopped somewhere and ended up staying until dad was two sheets in the wind, sort of speak, then he would always attempt to make it home before mother did. Many occasions that was not the case. The rides home were very terrifying for me as a child. Sometimes those rides ended up in a ditch. Sometimes they ended up just sitting for long periods of time so he could sober a little. Then the scariest was to find myself at twelve years old behind the wheel. To be honest, I am surprised that we were not found dead. Back then, there was not a seatbelt law, we never wore them. I suppose my dad felt as though we were all invincible.

Here is another typical payday.
My parents had separated, and my dad was seeing someone from another state. We drove, while he was drinking, two hours away, to pick up this girlfriend. While we were in that state, not only did we get the girlfriend, but we ended up bringing back one of my dads brothers, along with some more people. When we pulled up, my mother was there getting some things out of the house. I have no idea what set her off, it could have been a weekday, and she was upset that we were out so late,  but she came out of the house with a dough roller, and started whacking people. I know, sounds humorous, But I assure you, Not so much…She tried getting my dad, and probably succeeded, I can not be certain. I know that more than one person was having to hold her, while my dads brother managed to get the dough roller away from her and threw it as far as he could. Before someone was able to get her weapon of choice from her hands, she had started toward my dads girlfriend, who was still sitting in the car. This girlfriend just happen to be pregnant, and I would say about six months along, when her and dad started seeing one another. I seen my mother going toward the car, so I jumped ahead of her, locked the doors to the car and stood back. I can not even remotely explain to you how pissed off that made my mother. She came after me. She grabbed me by the hair, and slung me to the ground. She treated me as though I was some stranger that was in her war path. She called me every curse word she could come up with. I seen hate in my mothers eyes.
I did not want her to get a hold of that woman, because if she had of hurt her, she could have killed that baby. If she had of killed that baby, she would have went to jail. But she did not see me protecting her, she only seen me protecting my dads girlfriend, therefore I chose the girlfriend over her.
Things like this happened often. My family was just a circus of monkeys, still is actually. I can not even fathom how I did not turn out any worse than I did.

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A few weeks after that night, my dad and I headed back to the town the girlfriend lived in. Two hour drive. He had been drinking, but it was not a terrible ride. Until………
Driving down the interstate, a truck jack-knifed right in front of us, knocking everything in its rear, all over the road. 5 lanes of traffic cleared in a matter of seconds. I know there was at least a dozen cars hit. It was one of the most terrible things I have seen to date. We were the only car that was not hit by that truck, nor were we impacted by any of the other vehicles that were going all over the road. After we got past that craziness, it started raining. The windshield wipers went out on my dads vehicle, so he was having to manually wipe them. That consisted of him sticking his hand outside of the window and moving the wiper back and forth. We passed a police officer, who seen this action taking place and I assume wanted a closer look. We seen his break lights lighten up so Dad quickly pulled into someones driveway and turned off his headlights. The officer must have seen us pull in the yard, because he went to the store less than a block from that house, and sat there for what seemed to be an hour. Once the officer left, dad tried to back out of the driveway. I say try, because it was not happening. He had actually pulled into someones yard. It had been pouring down rain, and the car did not want to back up. The humiliation I felt, was almost unbearable. Dad went to the door and knocked to let the people know we were stuck, and to see if they would let him use their phone to contact someone to get us out, but no one answered the door. We eventually did in fact get someone to come pull us out. That yard was a muddy mess. I felt so terrible for those people. They were going to wake up to a disaster.
While we are on the dad hating stories, I have another one that is just itching to come from my finger tips.
Yet another ride to a distant land, to where everyone was big and bad while intoxicated. This particular adventure was not so bad getting there because my cousin had ended up in the same place. It made the night less boring. Usually it was just me, sitting around with the grown ups, listening to their filthy mouths, and just waiting for an argument to break out.
On the way home, instead of riding back with my dad, his two brothers and my grandfather, who are all chain smokers sober,I asked if I could ride back with my cousin and her family. They were in a conversion van, so there was plenty of room. There was also a bed in the back, and I would have been able to sleep, seeing it was in the wee hours of the morning. I tried explaining all of this to my father, but he was not having it. I told him that I could not stand all of the smoking in the car, and he became belligerent. He knocked me around a bit, then kicked me in the car. We drove about 20 minutes down the road before I got the nerve to ask my granddad if he could crack a window. I thought dad was asleep. I was wrong. Dad just went crazy and started hitting me wherever he could. He was so drunk that there was not very much force, and I was able to keep his blows from hitting me in the face. Unfortunately this was just an ordinary night.

I have more, but I do not want to bore my followers, so this is TO BE CONTINUED……….

My Love Story

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Have you ever written a blog and hit one button on accident and BAM, everything is gone. My husband taught me how to recover things, but did I use it before I tried to find it in my drafts…Nope! I had just typed out this whole Tell All about my desperately terrible childhood. Something that I have been fighting myself with sharing for quite sometime. 15 years to be exact. I suppose it was a way of something showing me, it was way to personal to share. With that being said, I suppose I will just hold that in for a bit longer.

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Maybe I will just blog this time on a happier topic.

I am going to take you back a few years to when I was married to my first husband. It was a very short marriage, and the desolation of that marriage was completely and utterly my fault. My husband was a kind man, and loved me. I on the other hand, was a selfish twit, who only thought of herself. I was 20 and wanted to… how would you put it, “experience the world”.…with or without him. During this marriage, he and I made some friends, of course. One of those friends being my, now husband. He was a wonderful person even then. Kind, generous, loving, just all around a good guy. Unfortunately, he and I lost touch after my husband and I divorced, and I married someone else, husband #2. That someone else was a jealous douche, who did not see the point in having male friends. I would have seen his point much better if it had not of been J. He was not the type to approach a woman  who was already in a relationship. He and I never even thought of anything like that, then. We were merely friends. Nothing else. Truth be told, I think he was dating my little sister at the time. ( remember, this was nearly 20 years ago)

Anyway, 15 years later, and 3 marriages under my belt, I moved in with a friend. No job, no car, just me and my babies, and our cloths. I heard about this social media site. Well two of them actually. Maybe you have heard of them. MySpace and Facebook. 😉

I started looking up all the people I could think of and befriending them. Of course J was on the top of the list. I found him, sent him a message, and waited. Within a few weeks, at most, I got a reply. We messaged back and forth for a few days, until he invited himself over. I will never forget when he got out of his vehicle it was like stepping back in time. It had been so long since I had seen him, yet seemingly at that moment, nothing had changed.  We ordered some pizza, watched some movies, and just hung out. Talked about everyone and everything. We were STILL just friends. I was dating someone at that time, though it was a dead end relationship that was going no where, even so I had no love interest in J., Loved him, but no different than my girlfriends.

We continued our midnight Facebook messages going, he visited often, and text often. There definitely was no chance in losing touch this time. He said he had found me after all of these years, and was not letting go as easily.

It was coming close to Christmas, and I not working. I had four children to be Santa for. Fortunately there other parents were involved, so it was not like they were getting nothing. Except one. My baby, who was two at the time. The friend that I lived with, did not have a Christmas tree to put up. So J out of his own pocket, purchased the kids a Christmas tree. He borrowed the most beautiful ornaments from his mother for us to use. He even gave me the money to buy MY children a gift with.  Now, I know what you could be thinking. I fell in love with him because he bought us stuff. You would be right in a way. I did begin having a stronger connection with him. He was my best friend. BUT, it was not the material aspect that pulled me in. It was his heart. He just genuinely loved. He treated my children, whom were nothing to him other than his friends kids, as though they were perfect. My 3rd marriage involved a man who just was not emotionally capable of connecting with children and that is a nice way of putting it. So to have this man, actually want to connect with my children, and finding them deserving of his time, and his money, just made my heart so full.

I had forgotten that people like this existed.

I know this statement will sound terrible of me, but it is what it is…I was very reserved to even have the thought of a relationship between J and I to exist. He was too good. He was a strong believer in God and hung tight to his faith. I cringed at the thought of being with someone that I could be a disappointment to. Though I should have known better, because he had never been one to do so. In the few months that we had hung out, he knew my deepest darkest problems.I even shared with him each and every detail. of my love interest at that time. Such as how this person made me feel on a day to day basis, which was not always good. J never said anything negative. He was always the up-lifter. And he never told me I should not be doing this or that. He was just always supportive. His Actions really did speak volumes.

As I had stated previously, J and my sister did date when they were younger. I approached her once I felt as though he was interested in more than merely a friendship. I found the importance in knowing she would not forever be disgusted with me, or have a bad taste in her mouth over the idea. To my surprise she told me that if a person can find love in this world, then they need to go for it……That was all it took. I let my guard down, and let this man that thought I hung the moon, love me.

I told the person that I was dating at the time, that I was no longer interested in a relationship with him, that I was interested in someone else,. He automatically knew who it was because he knew we were spending time together. As I said in the beginning, it was a relationship going no where. Just killin time. Nevertheless, I felt it the appropriate thing to do, in telling this person I was moving on.

December 31, 2009 , Jason and I decided to be in a relationship. Just Us, and my babies…….

Since then we have become husband and wife. I can not even remotely describe the feeling of whole heartily knowing where you stand with someone. There is no doubt in my mind that he will love me as long as I am living, and then he will love me still. He loves my children as if he made them. He has actually raised my baby girl, who is now 7, since she was 2. He claims her to be his, and she claims him to be hers. It is very special to see them together. Her biological father has not been in the picture for several years. Jason took over, and he will never let go. It makes me love him even more than I thought possible. Just to see him with her.

I love this man with all that I am. I have never loved anyone like this. I do not fear him hurting me. I know with all of my being that he shares the same emotions as I do. When you can look over and just stare at your spouse, without them knowing, and get lost in them, then you have a winner. We never argue. We do not find any reasons to. If I am having a bad day then we figure it out or he just lets me be. If he is having one, I return the favor. We are partners, best friends, soul mates…We have both had disastrous pasts. Which helps us to be thankful for all of this good.

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It is a wonderful thing to have such a love. What is not wonderful, is always fearing that it can be taken away at any minute. I fear it so much to the point of constant nightmares of something fatal happening. For five years now, I experience these nightmares at least a few times a week. Some bad, some worse. Either way, I am not quite sure I would make it without him. The idealistic way for him to go, is right beside me when we reach 100. Well, I will be 100.5 seeing that I am 6 months older than he is 😉

My husband loves God first and foremost. I know that is what makes him who he is. He is the type of God fearing Christian that loves and gives that love freely, instead of well I would love them if they done this, or I would love them if they had never done that. It does not matter who you are or what you have done. He is the real deal.

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Quick off the subject story: We had taken the kids to Six Flags, and stopped at the store on the way out. A man was standing on the sidewalk at the entrance of this store. This man was an obvious “bum” .  When J walked out, he approached the man and gave him some money. When he got back in the car, I said, ” You know he is going to walk right in that store and buy alcohol with that money.” He said, ” If he is an alcoholic, and does not get alcohol, he could die.” We did not know that mans story. He could have just been a lazy person, with all of the resources to be someone productive and refused to do so, or he could have been a War veteran with no family or support. My husband sees the best in people. He blames the worst on evil bringing them down. He believes there is hope for anyone and everyone to accept Jesus, and enter into the Kingdom.

J would proudly give the shirt off of his back, literally , to anyone in need. If we were strapped for cash, and only 20$ to our name, and someone needed our last dollar, it would be theirs. People can ask him to help them do anything in the world, and he would gladly be right there. As long as it is not robbing a bank of course.;-).

I love his heart so very much. Our love is the kind that is few and far between. I suppose that is why I make sure I tell him often, and then some, just how much I love him, and how thankful I am that he seen fit to make me his wife.

For the first time in all my life, I know what Marriage is. I spoke vows, and meant them. I placed a ring on a finger that I would never forsake. Not even the sexiest man alive could turn my head, because my soul belongs to the Love Of My Life.. My husband.

Mental thought: When you find someone to love, love them like tomorrow will not come. 2012-1013 067

Alimony

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This Blog is very off topic for me. But it is something that has hit a nerve. 

A local news station shared an old story on a public forum this past  week. It was pertaining to a gentleman who had been ordered to pay alimony to his ex wife. He had decided to bring the alimony payment in pennies. The judge put him behind bars for doing so. I find it humorous, and In all honesty, I may have done the same thing. 

Alimony is just Dumb to me. I personally find it as a lazy persons way to receive money that they have not worked for. 

So many people on the forum, after I added my two cents ( no punt intended) decided that I was the one in the wrong, and here were some of their opinions.

1.So if a woman makes self sacrificing decisions for the betterment of the couple & gives up opportunities personally to better the career of her spouse, because they are working together as a team, she gets nothing for those sacrifices and he gets to walk with all the benefits of her labor? BS.

Well….My opinion on this is……That self sacrificing decision, was just that…HER decision. If she gave up an opportunity for her husbands career, it is a choice SHE made. She stayed home. She shared in his money that he made at THAT TIME, while she was at home. She received clothing, housing, food, shopping for significant and insignificant items, He took complete care of her and the children at that time, yet now that they are no longer together, and she is capable of working, he STILL should have to do all of that? Child support ends at 18. Why? Because that child is old enough to get a job and take care of him/herself.. And she does get something for her so called benefits of her her labor…Half of everything that the husband paid for with his earnings. 

2. If a woman gives up her income to care for her husband he should not be able to leave her penniless. That’s what many men do these days and it’s wrong. Marriage is a contract and if one partner breaks that contract then a settlement has to be made. That’s the law in this state.

 

Well…My opinion on this is….That woman CHOSE to give up that income, so she could set her happy but at home. Its the same thing as I said above.  And just because it is a law in that state of any other state, does not make the this law, just as a lot of laws, any less Dumb to me……….And she will not be left penniless. She will receive half of everything that he worked for.  

Now there were several others, that were not on my specific comment. The most annoying was. 

What if the husband doesn’t allow you to work. Then if the marriage fails, he should have to pay. 

ALLOW?????? I wonder if anyone hears themselves when they say their husbands do not ALLOW them to work. For someone to say, “My husband MAKES me stay home, and I deserve Alimony in the event of a divorce, since I HAVE to stay home” and say it with a straight face, is belittling. IF this is the case, then you are the one who stayed with this controlling person when you have two legs to walk out of it. This is the Unites States. Husbands do not have authority to make us do anything. We are just as equal in a marriage as they are. So I say again. ” Alimony is dumb to me. 

I understand that some peoples opinions on this matter may be quite opposite of mine. That is very much okay. I do not mind hearing, and reading others opinions, even if it is a matter I am strongly against. Peoples minds become changed every day on all topics. I am very interested in seeing if someone can change mine. 

But I have ONE question before anyone debates this……IF it were YOU that was the bread winner in the family, Would you find it fair that your ex receives a lump sum of your earnings every month along with the child support payment? When that person was capable of helping financially support the family, yet chose NOT too. In some cases it is 40% of the monthly un-taxed gross income, and lasts as long as half the marriage. 

I just do not think I could look my husband in the eye, ever again, if he had to write me a check every month for a little less than HALF of his income, for years to come.  For the better part of our marriage, I have been home. I find that payment enough. To be able to take care of my family without the stress of working outside the home. Because the taking care of the family and working outside of the home is double the work. If he was capable of taking that stress off of me, by managing all the bills and everything else financially that comes with life, ALONE, then why is that not enough…….Instead of saying, well I sat home and cooked for you, cleaned for you, made sure your dry cleaning was done, and in doing so,  I was able to watch my TV shows every single day, clean at  my own pace, cook  you whatever I wanted, done the errands on my own time, paid all the bills out of YOUR check, bought my cloths, shoes, make up, jewelry, food I like to eat, occasional out to eat with the girls, trips, car, house, etc……But yet, if we divorce, you are giving me half your money every month..Yea, my husband does not have to ever worry about such a thing…( for more reasons than one…the most important reasons are because I respect him, and I love him, and I would never want to take from him what I did not deserve.) 

Mental Thought: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, in the same situation…