The Importance of being a Housewife/Mother

I know this may get some peoples gears rusted, but it is just how I feel. I do not expect everyone to understand or agree with my blogs. They are mostly opinionated, and they state that in the category.


I have been a House Wife, and Stay at Home Mother for more years than not. There are more reasons behind it than just wanting to be at home. I am sure there are plenty of mothers that Want to be at home but can not afford it. I am not saying that I can afford it, because it has been a struggle each and every paycheck. There have been days that I hate myself for not trying harder to bring money into the home. Those days being birthdays, and Christmas, the times we could take a vacation, but no money. The struggle is real, but somehow we always manage. I have a precious husband who loves and understands my way of thinking, and sympathizes with why I feel the way that I do. If not for him, it would be much more stressful than not.


The way I see it, if something means so much to you, then it is probably destined for you to have whatever it is that you are wanting. A lot of the times, especially material wise, the things you want so badly, do nothing to change your life, therefore I attempt to not hold on to those types of wants. Of course I love a good pair of shoes or a nice handbag, but I also know that I do not need it to survive. I do however need my family happy, and I need the time with them that makes that a possibility. That to me is the most important thing, making my family happy. I believe with all of my heart that I was put here to give birth to my four little people, and help them venture out into this world, and stand beside the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. I applaud the working mothers who can work from 8 to 5, come home and do dinner, eat, clean up, have time to do stress free homework, make sure everyone bathes and brushed their teeth, sets out school cloths and snacks, throw a few loads of cloths in the washer/dryer, iron the next days attire, try your hardest to squeeze in time for your husband and children before lying down and doing the exact same thing over again the next day.

I whole heartily feel that I need to be home where I can live a normal paced life. I can make sure my house is tidy, everyone has clean cloths, shop for my families household supplies, groceries, and clothing items, tend to our family pets, take my children to their dental and doctor appointments, go to school functions without asking for time off,be home when they are sick without the stress of missing work, and making the boss angry, or having to depend on family members to get my job done.


I tried the 8 to 5 job for the first time this past year since my youngest had started school. I had no reason not to get out of the house. All of the kids were in school all day, so why not?  Within the first month I had missed work due to one of the kids being sick. There were days I was being called to come get them, ( mostly the youngest, because she has my immune system) or just having to miss a whole day of work, sometimes more, and then I myself would contract whatever the child at the time had, so then I was sick. No one wants to volunteer their time to keep a sick child with a fever, and take the chance in getting sick as well. I had to stay home when my kids were sick. I had to stay home when I was sick. Then there were the doctors appointments, check ups, dental appointments. My niece was fighting cancer during this time so there was a day I missed for her surgery. My sister lost someone in her life, so there was a day I missed to be with my niece so my sister could visit them before they left this earth. My dads wife had brain surgery and I took them to the hospital, twice. I then got terribly sick with a stomach issue and that was when I lost my job after fourteen months,  due to so many absences. There is rarely a month that goes by that I am not terribly sick with stomach, bowel, intestine issues anyway. It just makes sense (to me) to be home so that my family does not have anything at all to worry about. I do whatever I can to make their lives easier. That is my job and duty as a mother and housewife. And in return, I am not always worried that a school nurse or receptionist is going to call me to come get the kids. I am not having to constantly pray that today I want get sick ( though I still do that). When someone needs me, I can  happily say, I will be right there. The kids have clean cloths, dinner is cooked, we have movie time, you can walk through the house and not feel gross, and I am not falling over tired all day long because I have not had a moments rest.


As I said in the beginning, I applaud the mothers who have super powers and can do it all.


When I was a very young girl, about age 12, my mother began working. She had to start out on second shift due to a seniority thing. When the first shift jobs came available, whoever had more seniority and wanted it, got it. I suppose she never wanted it. She was on second shift for as long as I can remember. She was never home. When she was home, she was always in a bad mood. I have learned that exhaustion will do that to a person. Point being, during some of the most important years of my life, she was not there. She was Always working. We never had play dates, we never had movie nights, we never just sat and talked, such as asking me how school was, did I have a crush, are there mean people hurting my feelings, etc.There were no family dinners. There was no one to help with homework. There was no guidance. So when I was younger, I told myself then that If it were at all possible, I would not work and leave my children wondering if a job was more important than my time with them. I would not feel tired all of the time, and shove them to the side. My mother taught me a valuable lesson. In a backwards way, she taught me that my children and my husband deserved my time, more than some strangers and a petty paycheck that we would spend on nonsense anyway…When you make more money, you only find more things to spend it on. More things to go in debt for. It is possible to live on a small budget, and give my family all of me, Not just the left overs.

Mental Thought : Live in your own shoes………

A Mothers Heart

As I sit here this morning with my three youngest children, I feel privileged, honored, blessed…..Any term of endearment that describes how fortunate I am to be called mom. To be honest, no words can describe that fluttery, full feeling in my heart.

So many woman take for granted the beauty that comes with being a mother. They look at their little people that they have created as a daily task. If one could simply look into the eyes of their children, they would see themselves. The good part of themselves. The innocent part. As a parent, we have the chance to give our children everything that we lacked as a child. Some think material objects are the thing that they lacked the most, some love, some both……

I was never given much as a child. Much of either. Being Material or physical/emotional love. I am not financially able to give my children every little thing that they want, but I will definitely do without my wants to make sure they have theirs. That was not the way of my parents when I was a child. Our needs were barely met, little on our wants. I seen their wants come way before I needs. I will never be considered a selfish mother. I love being able to see the excitement in my child’s face when they know they get to go shopping, a movie, amusement park, or even just for ice cream.

A child sees our time and money as care and concern. They see that if we are willing to spend our hard earned money on the things that they can definitely live without, then they see us caring about their happiness. When we show them that spending time with them is important to us then we are showing them their presence is valued.


I can promise you one single thing without a doubt. If you ask my children if their mother loves them, they would look at you as though you were asking the dumbest question in the world. They know. And shouldn’t they? Shouldn’t they know just how important their lives are to me?

When we think we have said it enough, then we should say it one more time…..Just to be sure. I love you, should be the last thing your child(ren) hear every night. A mothers comforting, reassuring love is all a child’s soul needs to survive. A soft touch on the head. A tickle here and there. Kiss to the forehead. There are so  many small gestures that mean so much to those little hearts. Maybe not at that direct moment, but I do know once a child reaches adulthood, having lived without those small gestures, can be fatal. Fatal to the child’s spirit.

I have four of those little hearts that came from my womb. I carried them until their little bodies were able to breathe on their own. My heart turned to mush when they were first put in my arms. Each and every birth was as though I had never done it before. The emotions that came with each new life were unlike anything I have felt any other moment. The excitement and joy that came with the looking in their little eyes for the first time.

Now I am faced with the fear as to what kind of adult they are going to become. We can guide them, and love them more than anything imaginable, but they still carry the ultimate choice…….What will they do with their lives?

I see so many children grow into adults with addiction, or become murderers, rapists, child pedophiles. Those people were once a mothers baby, that grew into a child, and then become the adult that they are. It grieves me to think there is a chance that one or even all four of my children could hurt my heart with the demise of their lives in such a terrible way. Meaningless existence. Giving nothing back.

Those things are the reason why it is of utter most importance to teach our children the power of love. Share it with others no matter how many times it is refused. No matter how many times we are hurt, we should still give our love, even to those that are not worthy. Give it ,if only for a chance, that the chain of hate with be broken.

There is not one thing my little ones can do for me to love them less. How can you love someone less when that someone is simply part of your heart? I just pray that God gives me strength when they venture into adulthood, to handle the disappointment they may bring upon my heart. The fear is great, only because of the pain that they will bestow upon themselves. A mother does not want to witness pain and agony brought upon their children no matter where it generates from, but at least if someone hurts our children, we have someone to blame. If it is by their own hand, then we shall surely blame ourselves. We had to of done something so wrong, for our children to choose a path that was not intended. Right?

I say, Wrong……….

This world has a way of corrupting even the most well taught children. God gave us ALL free will. When that free will is turned into an evil pleasure, not only the culprit becomes lost, but so do the ones standing in the path. That path could be high school, a party, college, anywhere that evil exists. We can teach our children the right way, but there will always be temptations brought on by others. We can never fully protect them.


I have an overwhelmingly good feeling that my children will want to make me proud, and do everything not to disappoint. Because I do not filter the ways of the world. I tell them of all of the bad in the world. I share my experiences and outcomes, in hopes that they do not fall in the same pattern. If they are curious about something, and want to know, then I tell them. I am not a mother who shelters her children from the potential dangers of our world. I would rather scare them into not trying something, than them being curious of something they have never heard of.

I feel it is my job as a mother to do whatever I can to protect my little ones. Maybe I am too honest. Maybe I am too graphic. But I feel confident that showing my children what could happen when having unprotected sex out of wedlock, VIA the internet, will discourage them somewhat. I am hoping complete and total discouragement, I am hoping if/when they are put in that situation, they will remember the images of what could happen. I suppose that is something that I will never know for certain, since children do not generally share those things with their mothers. I also hope giving a somewhat detailed description of what a sick child pedophile would do if they ever got their hands on them, will teach them to keep their distance from strangers. If they are ever put in such a situation, they know to fight until their is no fight left. They know to scream and kick, and bite. They know if at all possible to come to me if able, and we will fix any situation, together.

I am a mother… children will be the most important people, and my greatest accomplishments…..I will always love them no matter what they do or do not do. My love for them, is unconditional.  I have A Mothers Heart…..

Mental Thought: If your child comes to you and asks you a question, then answer it. It is our job to teach them. Do not let a stranger do it.

P.S. Have fun with this life……….

being silly



So, I have noticed that the most attention my blogs receive are of my “personal experiences”. My opinionated blogs, are not seeing much traffic. I would say I wonder why that is, but I am pretty certain I can guess. When I am reading others blogs, I like to read the personal issues as well. I suppose part of me is looking for someone to relate to, as I am sure others do as well. Then there are those that really would like to get to know who a person really is. Reading a Blog is definitely a good way to start. Bloggers often are tell-alls, such as myself. We just really have nothing to hide. I personally feel if I can help one person with the words I put on a screen, then I have accomplished the task at hand.

Each and every person on earth has made mistakes…..Well, maybe not everyone. I am sure there are some Monks that feel as though they are perfection to a T. If one can hold that honor, then I am clapping my hands for you.


In all honesty, bloggers are probably idealistic friends. Besides the part where they may eventually share a story that you may or may not have not been a part of 😉 I try not to share names when I am talking about a specific situation, because of the privacy issue. But regardless, THAT friend will always know……

I say idealistic friends because of the open and honest factor. There is just about no way around Really knowing who one is, when they pour their life out on a screen. When they share their own personal views on things; when they share their mistakes; favorites; love stories; etc… I have so much to tell. If I started from as far back as I can remember, which would be age 3, I could share some horror stories. Sadly that is all I remember of my childhood. Well, there was that one time when the Salvation Army truck pulled up to our door and unloaded bags of toys for Christmas. That was a good day. Age 7. Those good memories are few and far between, and sadly they were not made from the actions of our parents. I have much more bad memories to tell, and I know that those are the interesting ones. Interesting on two factors. Some will relate, and some will pity. Some will completely understand, and some will be thankful that they never went through, or felt those discrepancies in their lives. I am close to having the courage to share more in detail of my childhood. I know there are so many in my area that faced the same thing. It seems like where I live, no one wants more. We have adapted to the small  life. Not that it is not okay. I actually enjoy the way things are. I am not a business person, I am not a city slicker. I am a country girl, who likes the simple life. Sadly though, so many  people get sucked into that simple life and lose a little each generation. Until finally one of those generations are low life, scum bags that take and take and take from anyone and anything. Those are the ones who end up having off spring that they do not see the importance in nurturing. In return those children have children, who are taught the same, and there goes the never ending cycle of bad seeds.

I have family on top of family that started out good and ended with fail. I have the same amount of family that started out with fail, and have brought themselves out of the pits of hell. I  like to think I am one of them. But it certainly did not come without making mistake after mistake, and some of those mistakes were made as I was trying to “better myself” . I will eventually get to those stories, but for now, I will close and leave you all pondering with, What will the next Blog be about?

Until Next time….

Mental thought: Write it down, it is the best way to remember…

Dealing with a Sad Day


Today I have went blank on what to blog about. I usually have all kinds of things floating around in my noggin to be opinionated about, but not today. Today I am focused on one thing. Sadness.

This past weekend, my oldest child, turned 16. And NO, the sadness does not generate from the fact he is aging me …Though now that I think about it…..

Eight years ago, I signed custody over to my sons father, out of fear, due to threats from my sons father and his attorney. Unfortunately I have been known to be too gullible at times. This was one of those times. His attorney took advantage of the fact I myself could not afford an attorney. I had decided to not worry about that, and go in and  plead my case with the judge. Sure I did not have a place to live, a job, a vehicle, because the ex had taken it all. ( everything was in his name) But I was a good mother. At least I had that going for me.

This attorney, his attorney, took me into an enclosed area, and shared some information with me. He said today we are prepared to bring light to a few things…Even though I believe he knew those few things were lies, he was willing to do whatever it took to win this case for HIS client.

He began to tell me what those things were. One was that I was a physically abusive person. Another was, I was bipolar, and the last was true, and what he had made me fear the most from, I had an affair. I would try and sugar coat that fact, and say that we were not in fact married, divorced previously, and what relationship we did have was a living nightmare,but that does not justify my actions. I was in fact living with this man, therefore, I should have left long before this affair ever had taken place.

The attorney went on to explain to me that no judge in his right mind would allow a mother with no home, transportation, job, that was physically abusive, mentally unstable, and slept around, to gain full custody, the best I would get would be a few hours every other week, and there was a slight possibility it would be every week, yet supervised.

I can not even put into words the way that made me feel. I was so terrified of only seeing my child every other week. Sure I had made poor choices. Sure I was not perfect. But no way did I, did my son, deserve to spend such minimal time together, and that minimal time be supervised at the local McDonalds.

The attorney then advised that I take a deal. The deal being my sons father with full custody and me every weekend visitation, with normal visitation on holidays, summer ,etc. At that time, with fear in my mind, and also the knowledge that my son was wanting to live with his father, I caved. I allowed this person to trick me into signing these papers. I knew the only reason he wanted custody of our son was because he did not want to be responsible to pay child support. Everything was fine with me keeping custody, until I threatened him with it. My son wanted to live with his father because he stated that his dad had no one else. I had my other children, but his dad was alone. I would bet my life on it that his father had a little something to do with that.

Less than a year later my sons father was being investigated for child abuse against his then, girlfriends child. Because of this incident, a temporary custody plan had to be enforced. Instead of me, the paternal grandmother was chosen, by the father. Within a few weeks of this decision, she had filed for custody.

I was so surprised by this. I thought, not again. I finally had my son in my reach, because once his father was found guilty of this action he was being accused of, then my son could return home to me. I had a place to live, by this time, and income, so things were better. Still not perfect, but better.

No way was I going to be railroaded this time, so I went and spoke to an attorney.

Sadly, I put all my faith in this man and I knew that there was no way a court of law would give my son to his grandmother, when I was capable of caring for him………………..

In court that day, both sides said their arguments, and we went home. I checked my mail every day waiting for the letter from my attorney. Checked my phone every few minutes, waiting for the call from my attorney. It seemed as though it took forever. I knew any day I was going to get the ”go ahead” to pick my son up. Why was it taking so long? Then the letter came.


court emlbem

Not only was I denied custody, I lost my visitation. I no longer got to have my son every weekend now, but every first and third Saturday from 8am to 8pm..( no over night visits) A few hours on his birthday, a few hours on Christmas, and a few hours on Mothers Day. I asked to Appeal this, and the attorney said he would appeal it for $7000 on top of the $2500 that he had charged me to do the case to begin with. But warned me that the only way another judge will trump this judges order is if he can not hear the transcripts. So I needed $7000 more to take a chance that the tapes were messed up and a Montgomery judge could not hear what was being said on the tapes, and I could get another day in court……..$7000 that had to be paid up front, and I still owed $2000 of the $2500.

The reasoning behind this decision was based on what my sons father had threatened me with a year prior to this. I was unstable, I suffered with mental disease, I could not afford to care for son, I was abusive, etc. Sadly none of these facts had to be proven to this judge. It was a hear say case, and her say won. The only thing that was ever stated in any of those papers that was true was I had an affair. I had never been diagnosed with bipolar, though I have suffered with depression from time to time, it is far from being bipolar.  Only once was I abusive to my sons father and I recall throwing a jar toward ( didn’t strike) him out of anger. That was the only thing abusive that I done in the whole 10 years of our relationship. There were occasions where he would hold me down to keep me from leaving the house, to avoid an argument, and I am sure I may have hurt him then, but it was not intentional. No one enjoys being held against their will. And yes, the abuse was suppose to have happened toward him, not my son. Though the grandmother did make one accusation that I grabbed my sons arm too hard once when I was getting on to him for something.

So for eight long years I have had minimal time with my now grown child. On his birthday he had a game to march in, ( he plays sax) therefore I could not get him for our schedule 3 hour birthday visitation. I have missed out on our visitation times on more than one occasion because of his extra curricular activity. I would not HAVE to, because my visitation is court ordered and trumps any kind of practice or game, concert, exhibition, competition, yet I choose to not take that from my son. I know those things are important to him. Too bad his paternal family can not see the things that are important. Or do they, and just do not care. Selfishness seems to be the way of our world.

So Sadness has consumed me for the past few days. I am in a complete funk. I try not to let these people steal the happy that has taken me so long to gain back after they destroyed my life,but at times, it is harder than others. It consumes me. I just want to wake up one morning and my son be in his bed, in my home,  his home, with the rest of his family…..



I am certain I am not the only one blogging about this today. I just can not seem to get it off of my mind no matter what I do. Every little thing that I see, or think, ends up pushing my mind to the thought. The thought of all of those people who lost their lives that day over such a hateful act. I can not help but to think, ” was all of this a conspiracy?” Have we, as a nation, done this to ourselves by trusting too much in anothers leadership? I shiver to think that anyone can be responsible of such a horrific thing, but obviously someone is this evil,  or it would have never taken place. I just pray to God that it did not come from someone in our *neck of the woods*.

9 11 Cartoon

My daughter told me yesterday on the way home from school, that there were several children who would not be attending today. She said people are scared that we are going to get bombed. We live in a town, not a city of any stature, so I am certain there is nothing to worry about, as far as the school being hit. But I sit here pondering over that conversation.

That devastating day, thirteen years ago, is haunting the very child I was pregnant with when it happened. This evil that we faced then, is still with us in our hearts and minds. We fear that something similar is going to happen on the anniversary of that fatal day. Our children are aware of it, and are becoming fearful of a re-occurrence as well.

I wonder if it is wise to make sure they know of the terrible circumstances or do we keep it from them? I find myself wanting to talk with my daughter about it. But then that conversation is going to lead to details. Is her mind old enough to grasp it all? Will it affect her in a way to where she does not want to leave the house? I am referring to a child that can not sleep when it is raining for fear of a tornado. We were not hit directly during the wide spread event, but the hardest hit of our area was less than a mile away from where we were. So it terrifies her to go to sleep and not wake up. I just do not know what to do to comfort my children when the fear of terrorism strikes.I want my children to feel safe in their home, in their school, In THEIR Country, THEIR homeland…

I was sitting on my couch, scrolling over media sites and heard a very loud roar. I realized it was some sort of plane, that was obviously flying low, so I went to investigate. I wished I had taken my phone with me. I can not explain how low it was flying, and I have never seen a plane quit like it. I am sure it was an army plane. But why so low. Like just above the tree lines. Like they were trying to stay under radar. And over this town? Of course my blood pressure starts going up, because I am thinking the worst. I share the information with my husband in hopes of a quick response, because his employment is close to the school where the kids are. He replied quickly so I did not share with him what my imagination had led me to think,.


I know it may sound unrealistic to some, but evil will fall anywhere. They may have certain targets,but other places can become accidental targets. I fear for my children’s safety, for my husband’s safety. I fear that someday we are going to have to relive that terrible day. May God be with us in that event, And may God be with the families that lost loved ones on that day 13 years ago.

Mental Thought : We will Never Forget 9-11-01



This disease is something I know all too well. 

I understand that many do not feel it is a disease, but more or less a weakness, or an excuse. I imagine that thought process is coming from someone who has never experienced it. And maybe it is a weakness, but it is what it is. It is sadness from the depths of our soul that we can not shake just because we want to. 

I have suffered with depression from as far back as I can remember. I would say at least the beginning of my teenage years, if not sooner. 

I was molested as a young child, and I was brought up in a home of hatred, alcoholism, and abuse, mentally and physically.

The depression tag tends to hang on to people who grew up in unstable situations. At least I personally feel this is true. Depression can happen to any single person on this earth. No  matter the race, religion, sex,  etc….It just happens. We become saddened, and that sadness thickens until we are so overwhelmed that we can not get away from it. Sadness so desperate that not the sweetest gesture, or the best looking piece of chocolate cake, can break through. 

The most common causes of Depression are: Hormones, Tragedy, Hereditary, and Brain chemistry. 

Hormones- Thyroid problems and Menopause can be the culprit of a Depressive state.

Tragedy- Very common that when we have a death in the family we become saddened. Some of us have more will power to eventually shake the sadness, and some of us refuse to let go of it. 

Hereditary- This disease is more common in individuals who have a blood relative that has suffered as well. 

Brain Chemistry- People that show brain chemistry being slightly off, also have depressive symptoms. 

So many people suffer with this disease, and a lot of the times it turns deadly because no one knows how to handle it, and there are the ones that do not understand it that poke fun, or call it a joke, which can push someone over the edge if they have come for help. 

I have heard things, and read things, such as, these people who claim to be suffering with depression are “wanting someone to feel sorry for them”, “a pathetic call for help”, “lazy”, “needy”, the list goes on and on. 

In young people between mid teens and mid 20’s, Suicide from Depression, is the second leading cause of death.

This is not an infatuated illness. This is something that causes people to take their own lives. The depression becomes so overwhelming and humiliating that people refuse to seek help. People that do not believe it is an illness, just let their friends deal with their “laziness” on their own, when all they had to do was just listen. Sometimes the listening is enough, because in the beginning, we only want people to attempt to understand. If it keeps going, then we talk ourselves into believing that not only does no one understand, but they simply do not care. 


I have been depressed on so many occasions, and I still get in a funk from time to time. Thankfully I have a strong person by my side now that would never let me slip too far. But before him, I have been way down deep. So deep that thoughts of the easiest suicide was contemplated. My personal choice was driving my vehicle of of a high embankment. I am not much for pain, so the wrists were a definite NO. hanging….not a chance, pills, not quite enough in my reach that would do the trick. I did not want to take the chance in it NOT being successful. Most importantly,  I thought running my car off of a bluff was a good idea, because people would think it was an accident. No one would ever suspect I was committing suicide. I had a small child at the time. And thinking of him is what snapped me out of my thought process.

I was sitting in my truck, after one of many huge fights with my  husband ( at the time). I was less than a mile from home. I was so upset that I could not even drive. Sitting there with the thought of “not being able to do this anymore”, was just going over and over in my mind.  I was just at the dead end of my rope. I had no one to turn to. I had let go of most family and friends by this point, because I did not want anyone knowing that I was so miserable. And the few people that I did have, I could not bring myself to ask for help, for fear of humiliation.  I suppose that is why I felt so desperate to end my life. As I was sitting there going over the thoughts of how to do so in my mind, I had to do this in such a way that my son would never find out. I could not let him think that I did not love him enough to keep on keeping on.  And that is when it hit me….But I DO love him enough to keep on. He was the only person in my life that I knew loved me the real way. He was only 2, but I knew he loved his mamma. After two and a half hours of sitting on the side of the road, crying and trying to figure out how to end my life, I went home. And the next day, I went to the doctor. 

If it were not for my son, I would not be here. He was my only saving grace.

Some people do not let themselves think about anyone else when they are in that state of mind. The only thinking done is negative.. The depression grabs a hold, and it is like having someone else saying,  “you are not worthy of anything good.”  All the people that are in our lives, do not deserve to have to deal with all of this, they would be better off without you.  So ending it all, seems like the appropriate thing to do. 

I can not explain exactly what grabbed a hold of me that day and tore me away from my terrible thoughts. I am a Christian, so I tend to lean more toward the fact that God had a purpose for me that was yet fulfilled. Whatever it may have been, I am thankful. If I had of ended my life that day, I would not be the mother of four children, and married to the love of my life.

Those episodes, are what causes so many people to lose control and make such a huge mistake. Their lack of feeling worthy, is deadly. Depression is a disease. Believe it or not , it is. It needs to be treated as such. So many people lose their fight against it because they do not feel worthy. But we are worthy. We are worthy of seeing what we can accomplish. The sadness will fade in time. We may or may not need help in that happening, but it will happen. 


If you feel sad all the time, tell someone. If you feel as though death is a better place for you then think of the people around you that would have to feel what you feel right now if you took your own life. If you are depressed, and you have no one to talk to, go to a hospital, Go to a church, Find someone online. Talk to me…I would feel honored..

Mental Thought : Death will find us soon enough. Too soon, would be a waste of what we could become, who we could help. 

End of Time

end of time

Yet another public forum post has me thinking.

Some say these are terrible times in our world. I have even read comments such as,  “this could be the end of times”, which has me contemplating.

I wonder if the world has always been this bad?  Or is it just the simple fact that We have all of this media coverage that puts it in our home so we may see it first hand? Also, the older we get the more this devastation affects us because we are old enough to understand the significance of it all.

If we Google Natural Disasters, it shows plenty of them on record from as early as before Christ. So that shows us Natural disasters have always occurred.

Again, we can Google Genocide, and see there are plenty of actions on record. I am sure that in Hitlers era, people thought the end was near as well.  Before that was Armenia, located near Western Asia and Eastern Europe. There was an estimated 1 million murders by the government beginning in 1915, that lasted approximately eight years.


So from my understanding, things have not just recently gotten bad. Things have always been bad. As I stated above, we are just made more aware of it now, with media coverage and we see things in a different light, than we did when we were teenagers. The younger we are the more we seem to NOT focus on the negative in the world. I do miss those days. The simplicity of life. 

With that being said, I too believe with my whole heart that life will some day end as humans know it. I  just do not personally believe it will be anytime soon. Maybe within the next 100 or so years….Now that would not surprise me. But really, people have been stating the end was near, for hundreds of years. It has been the way Christians try to bring more people to Christ. Making them aware of the fact, God will return one day to take his children home. I just do not think it will be before the world falls completely apart. It is certainly well on its way. The people who rule this country are going to make that happen sooner than later. They have opened the door for desperation, which in return causes people to become foolish. Chaos will one day break out in our country more so than now, and it will take a lot to contain it. Disease will spread, killing thousands. The fear of that is becoming great with the cases of Ebola. More and More people will also become the victims of starvation, in this country as it has been in others. 

I have an idea….

For these moments in time, in our homes, let us be happy. Let us leave what is happening in this world around us on the outside of our homes. When we come home from a long days work, lets live in that moment. The moment that we are with our families. Leave off the news, do not listen to media. Put on a good family movie. Listen to soft relaxing music. 

If we give in to evil, then we will become a part of it. By giving in, I mean become stressed about the things that are out of our control. The evil in the world is only wanting to drag us down with it. If it takes away our happy, and replaces it with worry, then evil has won. We still have so much to be happy about. We still live in a country where our freedom exists, on a higher level than other countries. 

I hate having the knowledge that my children could live out their lives, in way worse economic downfall than what we have had so far. The chances in that are great. I suppose the only thing I can do is keep filling them with a positive attitude. Let them know that no matter how bad things are, it can always get worse. Do whatever makes them happy, and spread that happy around….Try not to stress over the little things. Otherwise, there will be no room left for what is to come

Mental Thought: Be in the here and now, not what could be




Child hood Abuse


This is a topic that is terribly sensitive to me, as I am sure any other person who has went through a similar circumstance. 

I wonder…Why do we share such intimate details of our lives? Is is because we do not want people to feel as though they are suffering something like this, alone? Do we want to make people feel as though they are not the only ones going through something so horrific? Or maybe it is US who doesn’t want to feel alone. Maybe we are wanting to know that there are others out there like us that have faced evil directly. But then again, isn’t that sad? Sad to want to know that others have been put through trauma. It sounds pretty bad that we are wanting to relate with others, over something that has taken part of our soul. 

Sadly, it is what it is. It happens. It happens every single day. Every second, every hour….There are thousands of children, innocent children, even adults, who are having to feel dirty from sexual abuse, or unloved from physical and mental abuse. 

Is any of these abuses, worse than the other? 

Being a victim of all kinds of abuse, I feel as though, no….No abuse is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse. It hurts on the inside as well as the outside, and for a long period of time, if not indefinite. 

Sexual abuse is definitely traumatizing. Some people NEVER get over it. Unfortunately it can be brought into a relationship with your spouse, or partner. It is always in the back of your mind. When someone touches you in certain way, it can bring back those memories full force. It takes away the pleasure that was intended between two consenting people. It minimizes the trust that should be part of relationship. Deep within, we know our partner would never hurt us, or at least we should feel confident in that fact,  but we still feel reserved. We are afraid that a touch, or a motion, will make us feel dirty or make us feel as though we are doing something wrong. In the end that is what sexual abuse does to a person. Makes them feel as though THEY are the ones that done something wrong..Not the perpetrator, but the victim. The older we get the worse it gets, because we could have said NO. We could have told someone that this friend or family member was doing things to us that we knew should not have taken place. So the older we get the worse we feel about OUR actions. Not the fact that the abuser was doing something wrong. When we focus on OUR fault in the situation then it gives us more determination to NEVER tell anyone what happened.

 The biggest mistake of abuse of any kind is Not speaking out. Let’s face it, if we had of said something in the beginning then it could have stopped with us. Children do not think about the fact, that if they had of told someone it could have very well saved someone else from going through the same thing.

 closed mouth

In my personal experience, I never thought about this fact until I was an adult, and someone came to me and said, ” If you had of said something when it happened to you, then my girls would not have had to go through this.” 

In my opinion, that was just a hurtful way of blaming me for what happened to their children.

But truth be told, they needed someone to blame for their lack of parenting. With that being said, I am not blaming all parents for their children’s abuse. But in this particular case, it was in fact the parents lack of watchful eye, that caused these incidences to take place with all  their children over years of time. Just as it was with my parents. 

In a perpetrators mind, If they got away with it once, why not do it again? So it keeps going and going. Sadly some cases, A victim becomes a pedophile. Never-ending Cycle. 

I am not writing this blog to call out anybody, nor am I trying to make people feel bad. What I am doing is bringing this topic to the surface of every parents mind. 

Speak with your child on a regular basis. Ask them each and every time they go to a friends house, or even a relatives house if anything happened that they may want to talk about. Some days just out of the blue, sit down with them and discuss the chances of these things happening to them or someone that they know, are great. Be sure to make them feel comfortable in knowing they can come to you or someone in the event they feel uncomfortable. To think that it will NEVER happen to our children is being ignorant. That is why it does happen, because parents trust that their children would not let it happen or would come to them if it did. These pedophiles have more control over their little minds than one might think. They tell them things to make them afraid to speak up. 

My personal fear was that If I told my parents, my dad would kill this man and be put in prison. So in my young mind, I was protecting my dad. 

That was 30 years ago exactly. The experience taught me to be aware; to have the knowledge that this evil exists in our world; to be protective of my children. So in that perspective, I am grateful. Without the experience, I may sadly be one of those closed minded parents that think it will Never happen to their child(ren). 

One might thing this specific type of abuse would be worse than physical or mental. Being a victim of all three, I honestly can say, for me, they are equally as effective in molding who you become as an adult. 

The mental and physical abuse of a child, brings that child’s self esteem and self worth to Zero. When we are beat down enough, we start to believe that is all that we deserve. We grow into an adult that will accept any type of person in our life. We do not feel worthy of anything but what we get. This type of behavior becomes a cycle. Our parents learned it from their parents, and we are taught it by ours, therefore the chance of us passing this way of life to our own children is very high.

To discipline a child, one may think that a smack across the face will get through to them better than sitting down and communicating about the wrong deed. We may find that a good ole’ belt whipping gets through to them quicker than a discussion. Maybe it does. Maybe the fear of being beaten will keep a child under control. Maybe that belt, the back of your hand, or even your fist, will make your child respect you. Or, maybe……It is fear. 

I wonder if parents feel good about making their child fear them? Is it some sort of power trip? Do they need to be the boss of someone so badly that they take that abuse that authority. 

The thought of my child fearing me as a parent sickens me. My child should never want to crawl inside a shell out of harms way when it comes to me. I do in fact raise my voice from time to time, and I have been known to put my child over my knee and smack their rear ends a time or two, but to hit a child out of anger, or because I think they will learn better if I hurt them, is nonsense. I want my children to know that I am here to protect them from that harm. I want them to know that I am more intelligent when it comes to experience, and I am willing to share those experiences with them so that they may learn from my mistakes. I want to be their parent, but I also want to be their ‘go to person’ when they need me, not run from me out of fear of abuse. When young people do things wrong, accidentally or purposely, it is all a learning experience. They need someone to guide them during AND after these mess ups. 

I would like to think that my abusive situations was a weird blessing to me. It taught me to think first and speak later, never discipline with an angry heart, and to always give the child in question of a wrong doing, the chance for explanation. It showed me the pain of abuse and how it can affect every aspect of my life. As an adult, I am able to cipher the difference in abuse, manipulation, trick psychology, with the difference in  someone actually being loving and sincere. I do not do third chances with adults. If I feel threatened or abused, I will  over look it once, but the second time would be ignorance on my part. 

If a person has an abuse problem, then they need to seek council, or in my own personal opinion, Jesus.  If they do that and still have an abuse problem, then unfortunately for them it is not our problem to deal with. We were not intended to be someones punching bag, mentally or physically. 

If our children are abused, or even see abuse between us and our partners, then the chance they will repeat the cycle is near definite. Thankfully there are some, such as myself that it affected on a different level, and come out of it saying, ” That was not for me, and I am leaving it behind.” 

Make sure that your children KNOW that you love them even when they mess up. It is okay to show your disappointment. It is okay to discipline….It is NOT okay to abuse.

Mental thought: Be the person Now, that you needed when you were younger.


A Life, is a Life……


I recently read a Social Media post from someone, and the topic really bothered me. 
This gentleman stated that some people have careless hearts, and it was proven by the amount of prayer a recent actors death was receiving, compared to the situation of aborted babies in the world. 
I have a problem with this. I do not find myself careless and heartless because I shared a status and put RIP on it.Nor do I feel heartless because I stated on someone else’s status that it was “sad to hear”. 
I, as I am sure anyone else  who shared the sadness of this specific actor, and any other pointless death on the social media, was not trying to take away from all of the other negative in the world. This person just died, therefore people are saddened. Why is that not okay? Should we ONLY be sad and upset when a baby is aborted, or a soldier dies? Those things too sadden me, but I do not think that any life is more important than another. All of these lives were someones family member, child, mother, father.They all deserve remembrance.
Sometimes I think people post things without fully thinking. I am sure I am guilty of this deed on occasion.
But then again, people who feel so strongly about things, have no other mindset but to defend what THEY feel is right or wrong. No one else’s opinions matter. 
That is exactly what is wrong in this world today. When we do not share the opinion of EVERYONE else,  then we are sinners, rebels,  deserters of sorts..
I am full of honor and love  for my country men/women. I become concerned for anyone’s family facing death, no matter how old; young; famous or infamous; no matter the race, or religious preference….A LIFE IS A LIFE
Mental Thought : Have compassion for human life……Not just the PEOPLE we think deserve it..
Follow Up:
When things touch my heart, I usually have to speak up, and that is just what I done in this situation. Thankfully it did not turn into a debate and he appreciated my opinion on the matter. It actually made me appreciate his opinion in return.
 I think all any of us want, is for it to be okay to have our own opinions on things and not be bashed for that opinion.
Just because I feel one way about something does not necessarily make me right…..or wrong. 
This gentleman was an advocate of sorts for Abortion. He feels so strongly about it that he will put it before anything else.
I suppose that is where the advocacy part kicks in. I have to appreciate that he DOES in fact care so much about something.
I envy the drive people have to stand up for what they believe in. 



     Once the human race understands that life is not always black and white, then maybe we will gain some compassion in this world. We are always thinking that if someone is not “Just Like” us then they aren’t “Normal”.
Think about this for a minute,  “We have no idea what is going on, or what went on, behind closed doors yesterday, or today.”  When we see someone that is ragged, or angry, slow or just inattentive, we ask things like, “Where did this  person come from?”
We as human beings are too nosy, judgmental, and/or fake. We are too concerned about situations that have no direct affect on us. We are too selfish to try and gain the ability of empathy.
I challenge you to release your shallow self , and open your mind to someone you find nothing in common with. Listen to what they have been through in their lifetime. You may not gain a friend, but you just might gain some insight on how other people came to be who they are. While you are at it, how about digging for some compassion.  Compassion can go a long way in ones life. You just listening, can be considered showing compassion to a stranger. That compassion could give them hope that there are good people in this world, and make them strive to do better. Your compassion could keep a person from taking his or her own life. Your compassion could give a person the will to survive, when all will was lost.
Mental Thought : Always try and put yourself in someone else’s shoes, if only for a moment…….Normal is merely a setting on the dryer….